There’s No Such Thing As Work/Life Balance—It’s All Life

What’s the most important thing you’ll do today?

How will you measure success?

All too often, I make the things that happen in my life conditions of my state of being. If things go well, then life feels good, and if they don’t, then I suffer the consequences.

But what might change if I turned this equation around? What if I made the quality of my state of being my highest priority, regardless of what happens? It’s no secret that my actions are imbued with the quality of my thinking behind them—that if I do something with a sour attitude, then I’m likely to get sour results—but what I’m suggesting goes further than that:  

What if I made the quality of how I am the purpose of my life’s work, regardless of whether it is in my career, with my family and friends, or with people and circumstances that challenge me?

Supporting Data

I’ve had the great privilege and honor to be with a number of people in their last days and moments—maybe you have as well. In my experience, not a single one of them talked about their job or things they accomplished. When they were able, they talked about their family and friends and dogs and cats. They shared experiences of gratitude. They cried and smiled and got frustrated. They wondered if they were a good person and how they would be remembered. They wondered if the people they love will be OK. They apologized, asked for forgiveness, and forgave. They told the people around them that they love them. 

In every instance, they talked about the how of their life, not the what. Maybe their experience is a hint here for all of us. . . or maybe it’s a giant neon sign.

The Experiment

What if I were to throw away any notion that there is a “work life” version of myself that is somehow separate or different from a “non-work life” version, and instead choose to see all of my experiences—no matter what I’m doing—as opportunities to create the story of who I am by the quality of how I show up within each moment, starting now? 

What if I could see the important actions and results of my livelihood as vehicles my larger purpose drives in service of not taking this precious and brief life for granted?

Regardless of my role, job description, or level of experience, my real job would then be to be thoughtful and deliberate, to connect, to be helpful, kind, compassionate, and creative—and I could support others in their own quest to do the same.

In this way, instead of being an obstacle, the more stress, disillusion, selfishness, and disconnection I encounter, the more opportunity I have to do something truly unique and special: to be the exact kind of person that the world needs most. 

To this— 

When others lose their cool, I’ll do my best to keep mine. 

When I lose an opportunity or fail, I’ll do my best to learn from it.

When I inevitably run into a difficult customer, boss, colleague, or partner, I’ll do my best to remember that poor behavior is just a symptom of suffering, not villainy; I’ll do my best to listen.

When I run into questionable ethics or poor treatment, I’ll do my best to stand squarely in a place that is honorable.

When others fail to lead, I’ll do my best to step up.

When others prioritize material success, I’ll remember what is truly most important, and allow that to guide my words and actions.

Imagine the impact that might come from a life-long career of this!